What a blessing friendship can be. Studies have suggested that those with really solid friends live longer. Like all deep relationships, however, even your platonic ones are bound to have their shaky moments. But if those tiffs, or lingering feelings that you’re not getting out as much as you’re putting in, happen more often than not, your friendship could be unhealthy, or even toxic.
“Friendships can be protective and rewarding, nurturing and uplifting. If a friend has the opposite impact, we may want to reconsider our relationship and reconfigure that person’s role in our lives. It doesn’t mean you need to end the friendship altogether—maybe you still see them for social gatherings—but they shouldn’t be who you turn to for emotional support,”
Recognizing that you’re in the midst of a toxic friendship by evaluating the signs is the first step toward extricating yourself—a painful but necessary process. “As you get older, it’s important to evaluate your friendships. If they’re not healthy or serving a positive purpose, it’s time to phase those people out,”
Science of Nostalgia – It was first thought to be a “neurological disease of essentially demonic cause,” but it turns out that nostalgia is good for your brain. And there’s science to prove it.
“Nostalgia made me feel that my life had roots and continuity. It made me feel good about myself and my relationships. It provided a texture to my life and gave me strength to move forward.”
Nostalgia has been shown to counteract loneliness, boredom and anxiety. It makes people more generous to strangers and more tolerant of outsiders.
Nostalgia does have its painful side — it’s a bittersweet emotion — but the net effect is to make life seem more meaningful and death less frightening. When people speak wistfully of the past, they typically become more optimistic and inspired about the future.
“Nostalgia makes us a bit more human,” Dr. Sedikides says. He considers the first great nostalgist to be Odysseus, an itinerant who used memories of his family and home to get through hard times, but Dr. Sedikides emphasizes that nostalgia is not the same as homesickness. It’s not just for those away from home
The covert Narcissist will use their targets personal information to attack them, whereas healthy relationships allow for vulnerability, the narcissist will use vulnerabilities against their victim as ammunition and show no empathy to their victims as they have none.
These behaviours will wear the victim down but the skill the narcissist has in throwing just enough crumbs or plausibility to win/ entrap their victim again and again is truly astonishing. The behaviours of the covert narcissist are psychopathic and waver on the verge of evident danger and covert danger which is how they get away with it for so long…. until they don’t when the victim finally breaks free if they are able to. Setting free from the narcissist is not easy as the covert narcissist fears abandonment and will attempt to keep the loop going as long as possible, in fact the victim is their prey and they ‘own it’, they are predatory and dangerous. The victims to this abuse are often left feeling like they are a shell of their former selves and shattered at what has happened, it is like experiencing a bomb and being left shell shocked. Should the narcissist fail to keep their victims they will move on to their next person or better known as narcissistic supply without so much as a look in the rear view mirror they are recklessly harmful.
The Narcissist is unlikely to be self-reflective and will not accept accountability for their own actions, this is another good clue to help identify if you’re in the presence of a narcissist; they are hungry for Power, control and thrive on inflicting hurt and pain in any perverse form.
The effects of this crazy making behaviour and way of relating leave its indelible mark on their victims. This abuse can even lead to psychological trauma, PTSD and CPTSD.
Know someone who expects constant admiration, who thinks they’re better than everyone else, but flies off the handle at the slightest criticism? These tips can help you recognize and cope with a narcissist.
It’s more accurate to say that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are in love with an idealized, grandiose image of themselves. And they’re in love with this inflated self-image precisely because it allows them to avoid deep feelings of insecurity. But propping up their delusions of grandeur takes a lot of work—and that’s where the dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors come in.
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every area of the narcissist’s life: from work and friendships to family and love relationships.
People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier just to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages. However, by understanding more about narcissistic personality disorder, you can spot the narcissists in your life, protect yourself from their power plays, and establish healthier boundaries.
“… As a counselor herself, she knew that talking about her depression would help her feel better…”
Depression is one of the most commonly diagnosed forms of mental illness. There is an increased awareness of depression as a medically treatable condition. Most people experience occasional depression as the random feeling of being lonely or sad. With major depression, however, a person feels like they’re stuck in a cave with no hope of escape. By choosing to discuss her situation with me, my friend had thrown out a lifeline. As a counselor herself, she knew that talking about her depression would help her feel better. I felt honored to be on the receiving end of the conversation. She’d been there for me in the past when I had been caught in psychosis. This time, I got to be the listener.
There’s hearing and then there’s listening. Hearing is the passive activity of taking in audible sounds. Listening is a skill that facilitates effective communication. Active listening is a communications technique which acknowledges the other person’s feelings while deciphering the message they’re conveying, creating a sense of empathy and nonjudgemental reflection. The party speaking feels validated rather than merely heard. Paying attention to the other person’s words, and repeating ideas and phrases to confirm that you understand what they’ve said, demonstrates respect for their feelings, creating a sense of closeness. This is the result we all strive for when we’re sharing—to be listened to and understood.
Guys often contend with – and need to put aside – a few things when thinking about reaching out to someone:
1. You want to “solve” this on your own. Trying to battle a major health condition on your own is like trying to push a boulder up a mountain by yourself – without someone to back you up, the thing is likely to run you over.
2. You don’t want to be a burden. We all like to help out others whenever we can – it makes us feel good. It’s frustrating when we know someone can use a hand, but they don’t ask for it or use it – that’s the real burden.
3. You don’t want to look weak or crazy. Depression is a serious health condition that millions of men contend with every year. There’s nothing about it that suggests weakness or craziness. It’s really no different than if you develop diabetes or high blood pressure – it happens and you work towards making it better.
Have you ever felt like stress, anxiety, depression, or anger was controlling you? Do you often act impulsively, doing or saying things you know you shouldn’t, only to regret it later? Or do you feel disconnected from your feelings and emotionally numb? These can all be signs that you need to work on building your emotional intelligence.
By learning to keep stress and emotions in check, you’ll not only improve how you communicate with others, but you’ll also be able to get off the “emotional rollercoaster,” even out extremes in mood, and bring your life into balance. This toolkit will show you how.
Imagine the most intense feeling you have ever had in your life. Maybe it’s the first time you fell in love, or the worst argument you have ever had with someone you love. The intensity with which you felt those emotions is probably equivalent to what a person with BPD feels on a regular basis. Now, multiply that feeling times ten and that is what a person with BPD considers intense emotion. That is what a fight with a loved one feels like, or how intensely they can feel love for a single person. The emotion can easily become unbearable, which is when the BPD takes control. Your mind, your body, are completely taken over and you end up doing something you regret deeply but have to live with. People will tell you that whatever you did was your fault, and you will believe it, but they don’t and can’t understand how hard you fought to keep control.
It can easily end up feeling hopeless and you feel helpless. There is nothing you can do to fix it. You believe you can’t get close to anyone because you will love them so much, and they will inevitably hurt you in one way or another, and you will overreact and do or say something that ensures they decide they can’t be around you. You are toxic. Your lack of emotional control leads you to damage your relationships, leading people to walk away from it, which exacerbates the abandonment issues that are a part of your disorder.
One easy way to think about ADHD is having a low boredom threshold (no, this is not the cause). Those with the trait become frustrated with routine, whether that includes sitting in a classroom for eight hours a day, or spending time chained to a desk at the office performing routine tasks. But there is so much more to this trait that can be leveraged to an advantage. ADHDers are often at their best in crisis mode, multi-tasking and free associating to intuitively reach a solution. And if they find something they truly love to do, they are able to focus for hours on end.
I would add one other thing to this list of traits: an ability and desire to multi-task. Interestingly, studies show that ADHDers are not that much better at multi-tasking than the general population but, in my experience, the difference is that they LOVE to multi-task, whereas for most this is perceived as stressful. This strength lends itself perfectly to entrepreneurship because that’s what owners of startups do: juggle many tasks at one time, from sales, to R&D, admin and payroll. When you start something from nothing, you have no choice but to dart from task to task, doing everything for yourself until you can afford enough extra staff and infrastructure to delegate. It’s a role tailor-made for those with ADHD.