“I can’t do this! Someone else would be a better mother for him. He deserves a better mom, not someone like me. I know nothing about being a mom. I don’t know how to do this! He deserves someone better, and that’s not me.”
I remember that afternoon vividly. I was sitting on the couch in my psychiatrist’s office, sobbing uncontrollably. Through tears, I confessed that I wanted to give up my baby for adoption because I truly believed someone else could be a better mom to Aidan. Day after day, my thoughts spiraled, telling me I wasn’t good enough for him. He deserved a “real mom”—someone who could love and care for him properly.
Dr. C listened to me empathetically, as she always did. It was only my third appointment with her after being referred by my GP and midwife. They had grown increasingly concerned about my condition following Aidan’s birth.
Things have been difficult for me since 2010 when I lost my grandma, the woman who raised me. My condition worsened when another grievous event happened in early 2013. I spiraled into a deep depression and became suicidal by 2014. The mental pain was unbearable; I was in anguish.
… and that’s … my friends, being outside, in the nature, watching the sunrise with my dogs, just really intense self care…
It’s a gift for me to be strong and happy even if he’s really depressed.
I think my path is to be a truth teller.
And Brad is a truth teller. Trust the journey!
It’s gonna turn out okay. It’s gonna turn out great, actually …” (smile).
You have to put on your oxygen mask FIRST.
Amy Batchelor
If you have a loved one with depression, anxiety, or other brain conditions, sometimes it can be challenging. Unfortunately for many of us, we forget that we have to also take care of ourselves. It is vital to take care of ourselves because we can’t pour from an empty cup. Amy is the first person I heard saying that metaphor; the metaphor I always use to answer people who reached out to me about feeling burned out when caring for a loved one with mental illness.
“ …It’s one of the deadliest diseases on the planet, often still shrouded in a sense of shame. And for men under 35, suicide following depression is now the leading cause of death. Novelist Matt Haig recounts his own experience of suicidal thoughts and the long path to recovery… “
“… I am not anti pill. I am pro anything that works and I know pills do work for a lot of people. There may well come a time where I take pills again. For now, I do what I know keeps me just about level. Exercise definitely helps me, as does yoga and absorbing myself in something or someone I love, so I keep doing these things. I suppose, in the absence of universal certainties, we are our own best laboratory. If you are a man or a woman with mental health problems, you are part of a very large and growing group. Many of the greatest and, well, toughest people of all time have suffered from depression. Politicians, astronauts, poets, painters, philosophers, scientists, mathematicians (a hell of a lot of mathematicians), actors, boxers, peace activists, war leaders, and a billion other people fighting their own battles. You are no less or more of a man or a woman or a human for having depression than you would be for having cancer or cardiovascular disease or a car accident.
So what should we do? Talk. Listen. Encourage talking. Encourage listening. Keep adding to the conversation. Stay on the lookout for those wanting to join in the conversation. Keep reiterating, again and again, that depression is not something you “admit to”, it is not something you have to blush about, it is a human experience. It is not you. It is simply something that happens to you. And something that can often be eased by talking. Words. Comfort. Support. It took me more than a decade to be able to talk openly, properly, to everyone, about my experience. I soon discovered the act of talking is in itself a therapy. Where talk exists, so does hope. …”
wwtbyh 